Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Randomize
