So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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