awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
