don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I wish i was in the wii world.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Randomize
