Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
