So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Randomize
