So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
