Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Randomize
