Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Randomize