After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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