it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Randomize
