My Higher Power is John Stamos
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
