did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
