He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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