I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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