So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
