i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
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