i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
This couple is walking their pig around campus
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
