It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
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