I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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