Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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