Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
