Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
