im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
