I faked an abortion last night.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
