I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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