barbara walters just said penis...
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Randomize
