apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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