You smell like a Billy Joel song
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Randomize
