Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
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