you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
