Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
There r osticjed everywhere
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize