she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
even my farts smell like vagina
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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