I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Randomize
