Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Randomize
