So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
