I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
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