I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
