Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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