Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
