$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize
