Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
he shaved USA in his pubs
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
