I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
