these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
