Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
