Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Randomize
