its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
