my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
