i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
