just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize