He is such a slut. More and more my type.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Randomize
