he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
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