I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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