If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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