mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Randomize
