We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
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