if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
