Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Randomize