I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
