I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
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