Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
