p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Randomize
