I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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