I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
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