I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
