Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
