I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
