I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
