Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Randomize
