1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Acid is not a monday night drug
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
