The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
