Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
