im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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