Who did Billy Mays play for?
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Randomize
