I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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