The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
