im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
