and next time when you feel me up, do it right
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
