Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
