The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
you have to choose: penises or morals?
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
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