there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize