I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Randomize
