She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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