They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize