found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Randomize
