remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
