I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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